I think it's important to remember that now, right this moment, will end. Time doesn't stop, it doesn't slow down. Precious and horrible moments alike will be done and gone before you even realize you're living in them. It's both torturous and wonderful to realize this. Every moment becomes beautiful. Every action or decision carries more weight with it, and yet becomes lighter. It becomes easier to move on, and each fond glance backward more enlightening.

Living in the moment is a fairy tale. Even if we sometimes manage to realize where and when we are and feel the gravity of it, we cannot possibly hold the thought in our minds without missing out on the moment at hand.

Sometimes I look back at days when I was more outgoing with fondness, and other times with disgust. High school had both good and bad moments, as did my experience at BYU-Idaho. I try to grasp at where I am now, and I realize that I'm not actually sure. I know that I'm trying to be the best person that I can be, though sometimes I fail. I can't pinpoint myself in the present. One day I'll be able to look back and put a label on this part of my life, like I can with moments passed.

For instance, I can tell you all about the theater moments in my life and the moments when I was closest with my group of friends. I can tell you about when I was story telling champion for my elementary school. I can tell you what it was like when I was in love with my first boyfriend, or what it was like when I began questioning my childhood beliefs. I can tell you about all of those times in my life, but I cannot accurately tell you about right now. Right now is as indefinable as thoughts are intangible. Somehow I find that I am not only okay with this, but I revel in it.

Right now, this indefinable point in my life, is whatever I create it to be with the decisions that I make. The most that I can hope for, that anyone can hope for, is to someday look back at right now, this small moment in life, with fondness.