welcome traveler

Welcome traveler. Youll forgive the excitement round town, we haven't had visitors to our little village in many a year. Can I ask yeh, how was your journey upon the road? 

That's mighty strange friend. Yeh see, round bout 20 year ago, we stopped hearin from outsiders. Some left the boundaries of the outer homesteads to get news of the outside world, and they were never seen again. Many of us, myself included tried to follow and came across the remains of many, badly slashed and broken as if by some immense force with mighty claws and jaw. We darent go far, what with the risk of coming upon the creature. Ever since we've been isolated. We're desperate for news and for trade, have you perchance either?

Ah, I see. Well if you canna remember more than that, I suppose we're in the same position as before, though your fresh face be welcome. I haven't had new blood use the place in a long bout, but I'll get yeh set up in a cosy room and have the master start up a hot meal for yeh. 

See, nice and homey. Please make yerself comfortable and make yer way back down to the common area at yer leisure, we'll have that meal ready soon enough. Though if I'm honest, there's part o me that worries you'll vanish the moment I turn my back. We're truly happy to have yeh, miss.

Break

Eventually we break. 

I'm breaking

Into thousands of directionless pieces

Not neatly like these lines

Not in a way that is traceble like glass

Just broken out and into space

And then collapsing in again and then I feel it burning

Directionless

Hopeless

Yearning

Held together with packing tape for a long

Long time

The heat of question marks buzzing inside

Colliding and filling the space tucked so tightly

Until finally I break again

Wide open

Tape flying

The thousand pieces gone and confused

Raging to ruin the modicum of a life 

Everything I built

From the bottom up, tear it apart

Ruin it all

Broken

Then flown back together to rebuild this heat

Never forgetting breaks past

A need to press on 

Warring

Always

With the need to ruin and destroy

Battling to the early end 

Of me

The beasts pressing and stretching my heart apart

Never to be tamed together

Never to be torn asunder

Only battling ever on

At least until I break forever

Broken there

On the floor

In the water

In the void

In the deserts of sand or snow

Deep within the cycling earth

Forever until I'm truly broken

Like a doll forgotten and discarded

Lying there upon the floor

They hiss and roar

And I break.

on suicide prevention

Suicide is a monster, it's thoughts that seize control and quiet the logical thoughts that say other people will miss you, that you're worth anything, that the world won't be better off without you. That's the impossible battle. Sometimes it's possible to reach out when that darkness has hold of you, but sometimes it's not. Sometimes you need an outside force to keep you grounded in reality. Depression and anxiety are not logical, so in those darkest moments, how can we expect people to be able to really think through what they're feeling? It's so important that we recognise that, because whether we know it or not, placing the burden of reaching out on those struggling can add to the problem. When I have suicidal thoughts, all I can think is that the people I love and the world around me would be so much better off if they didn't have to deal with how awkward I can be and how difficult I am to be around when I'm depressed. When I'm free of those thoughts, I feel scared to confide in people because I don't want to deal with the stigma, or the risk that others might think I'm being melodramatic. That is my reality, and I know I'm not alone in that. I'm in a great place at the moment, but it's so hard to talk about like this, its so hard to be this vulnerable, but I know that we HAVE to start talking about it candidly because that's how we change things. We can start seeing the signs in our loved ones before it's too late. We can make mental healthcare more accessible for people like me who are nervous to find good, steady therapy for financial reasons.  Suicide is a monster that we all have to fight better, and in order to do that we have to listen to the scary things people who struggle say when they're able to speak up. We have to recognize that it's hard to help someone we love go through this, and that it's hard for them to open up about it. I've been so fortunate in my life, and it breaks my heart whenever I see someone who has lost those battles, because in that moment they were unable to see another way to move forward. 

stumbling

Stumbling through reality, waiting for the next chance I'll have to dream.

Laying late, awake and scared to sleep, knowing that the sooner I dream the sooner it ends.

The sooner I'll have to start to stumble.

Pressing deep into my matress, reaching out for an answer that never comes,

Will never come,

A question I barely grasp waits to be satisfied.

Who am I? What am I doing here?