on suicide prevention

Suicide is a monster, it's thoughts that seize control and quiet the logical thoughts that say other people will miss you, that you're worth anything, that the world won't be better off without you. That's the impossible battle. Sometimes it's possible to reach out when that darkness has hold of you, but sometimes it's not. Sometimes you need an outside force to keep you grounded in reality. Depression and anxiety are not logical, so in those darkest moments, how can we expect people to be able to really think through what they're feeling? It's so important that we recognise that, because whether we know it or not, placing the burden of reaching out on those struggling can add to the problem. When I have suicidal thoughts, all I can think is that the people I love and the world around me would be so much better off if they didn't have to deal with how awkward I can be and how difficult I am to be around when I'm depressed. When I'm free of those thoughts, I feel scared to confide in people because I don't want to deal with the stigma, or the risk that others might think I'm being melodramatic. That is my reality, and I know I'm not alone in that. I'm in a great place at the moment, but it's so hard to talk about like this, its so hard to be this vulnerable, but I know that we HAVE to start talking about it candidly because that's how we change things. We can start seeing the signs in our loved ones before it's too late. We can make mental healthcare more accessible for people like me who are nervous to find good, steady therapy for financial reasons.  Suicide is a monster that we all have to fight better, and in order to do that we have to listen to the scary things people who struggle say when they're able to speak up. We have to recognize that it's hard to help someone we love go through this, and that it's hard for them to open up about it. I've been so fortunate in my life, and it breaks my heart whenever I see someone who has lost those battles, because in that moment they were unable to see another way to move forward.